So I turned the heel on the stockings!!!
So I tried them on!!!
And they go to my knees. The middle of my knees, not over the knees, not below the knees. If they were over, they'd stay up. If they were under, they'd stay up. But now i'm like, wtf do I do now that I've turned the heel and the goddamn things aren't long enough?
Thus the lesson is learned: TRUST YOUR GAUGE SWATCH AND ADAPT THE PATTERN ACCORDINGLY!!!
But they fit the calf fine...